I awoke in the Enchanter’s shelter. Though I had never been in it before, that was the only place it could be. His things of power were all around adding fear to my other problems. My head hurt and moving made me feel dizzy. The leather walls were a blackish grey where I could see them, more smoky than ours at home. I could not see the Enchanter but could hear him changing the cold stones in his cookbag for hot ones from the fire. With the drawstrings open I could smell his stew. It was probably good-smelling food but it made my stomach move uncomfortably and then begin to hurt, threatening to vomit. Closing my eyes only made it worse.
It made no sense. A scrawny little girl like me, perhaps nine or ten years old, would not be in the Enchanter’s shelter. Nobody was allowed into it and all of us children were too afraid to go near it even. He played with us sometimes, but we were always wary of him. His idea of play was tricks and practical jokes. They were fun sometimes and we giggled and ran in circles round him. But at other times his jokes were unkind and we shunned him. Looking back I find it easy to see that he was testing us. He had no apprentice and I don’t doubt that he felt old age coming up on him. His knowledge would be lost if he found no apprentice.
It would not be a disaster for our group if he died with nobody to take over, because we could get an enchanter from another group. Some groups had too many, which always led to factions and even to the group splitting up. But an enchanter from another group would have her (or his) own ways. However good she was, people would want the cures they were used to. The men especially would resent different hunting magic. Even if the new enchanter were powerful with the weather - ours was not good in that respect, he would be the first to say so - it would not make up for being new and different.
So I see now that the tricks he played on us were to see how we reacted, whether we were suitable apprentice material. But we found him difficult even on the occasions when we were not actually afraid of him.
Something had happened that I did not want to think about. To keep back the memory I looked hard at the Enchanter’s things. But then he saw that I was awake.
"You can call me Ikaseraz. It’s not my name of course. What’s yours?"
I was really surprised that he had to ask. I thought everyone in the group knew everyone’s names, not their real names but what they were called.
"Kizkur"
"I know your real name. Your parents and I named you in the cave when you were born and it seemed that you would live. Kizkur, will you be my apprentice?"
Fear was the first thing I felt at the thought of having to be with him all the time. Then came a surge of joy such as I had rarely felt. Nobody had ever shown any trust in my abilities before. They were right too, I was no good at anything much, except making dyes and paints, and even at that I often made a mess.
"Yes, oh yes."
I turned a bit dizzy again, but he didn’t take any notice.
"It is not an easy job. Dangerous too, you have heard of the dangers involved?"
"People say that when you enter the spirits’ world they may attack you. Or that they may keep you there so that you can never return to this world."
"That is true, though there are other dangers too. Are you willing to face them?"
I said "Yes" of course, but only with a child’s understanding. With an adult’s clearer view of death and mental horrors, now I would still say "Yes".
"Rest now" he said "I’m busy."
"But, is my brother alright?"
"Of course he is. He hadn’t gone far, he soon showed up again."
When I next woke I was alone. Though I could have got up I just lay there. The excitement of becoming the Enchanter’s apprentice had passed.
"I must learn to think of him as �Ikaseraz’" I thought. But it was a trivial something to think of to try to force the bad memories from my mind. It didn’t work. I thought I saw how I came to be in Ikaseraz’s shelter. He must have rescued me from them.
Father had gone with the men, I don’t know what they were doing. Then some of the women came to our shelter and told Mother that they were going gathering berries and nuts down by the river. We were short of them and the season was ending so Mother had to go with them to get some for us. All the women agreed that I was quite old enough to look after my brother, who can walk well now, and the baby. Mother fussed at me that I mustn’t let the baby crawl into the fire. I reassured her that I wouldn’t, though thinking to myself that the baby had much more sense than to do any such thing.
There was enough to do with changing the stones in the cookbag and thinking that we would soon have to make a new one, Mother had repaired it more than once; and reciting rhymes with my brother and telling him odd bits of stories while he played.
But my mind was set on making a purple body paint. I wanted a good rich purple, not the washed out looking one I had. The big gathering at the Hall of the Bulls was not until the mid-summer solstice, but all the groups around here would be there then and I wanted to show off in a new body painting. I wanted a tattoo really but would not be allowed that until I was older. The winter solstice would come before then, but we only celebrated that here at Gabillou. Nobody travels in the winter.
The purple paint meant starting with a dye and modifying it later. That was a good thing anyway, some of the family’s clothes were getting faded and we would have to re-dye before long. If I could get a really strong one we could perhaps use it on leather, fur and feathers as well as fibres. Some previous attempts I’d made at purple had only been half successful, the dyes were perfectly good but not that special colour I had in mind. I remember pounding up the dried lichens and bark in the pestle and mortar and heating up some water for later, but then things went all wrong. I’m so afraid that I may be going mad. The next thing that I can remember was trying to climb a mountain. How could I have got there? There are no mountains near here, and why would I be climbing one by myself? It wasn’t a dream because I know for certain that I wasn’t asleep. But I know too that it is mad people who hallucinate and don’t want to think about that.
But what came next was even worse. I was in our shelter again but Mother was hitting me and shouting
"Where is he? Where is he? What have you done with him?"
Several of the other women were there too and they began shrieking and hitting me too. My brother wasn’t there and I should have been watching him. Then some of the men arrived and they started hitting me. I do remember falling but the next thing was waking in Ikaseraz’s shelter.
When Ikaseraz came back he knew I was confused but he started to press me persistently to tell him what I had seen.
"My brother wasn’t in the shelter and Mother thought the baby would crawl into the fire."
"Of course she wouldn’t - what nonsense - but what did you see?"
It came to me then that he meant the mountain.
"A mountain. I wasn’t dreaming, am I mad?"
"No, no, no. If you’re to be my apprentice you must recognise the spirit-world when you see it."
"It was a spirit-mountain?"
"Alright have a rest. Let’s hope you’re quicker on the uptake tomorrow."
"Won’t Mother and Father have me home tonight?"
"They would but they’re not going to. You live in my shelter now."
Perhaps I was too exhausted to be shocked at the sudden change in my life, I just slept.
The next day I was more alert, I felt it anyway, though Ikaseraz seemed unimpressed. He said I must tell him about the mountain before I forgot, if I hadn’t already.
"It was very high and cold."
"What shape was it?"
"The shape that you always draw a mountain." I drew a triangle in the air.
"Go on what happened?"
"It was very hard, steep, and I was panting out great steamy breaths. And it got steeper and harder the higher I managed to get. I didn’t know why I was climbing up it, but I knew I had to. Then I saw a nest on the top, a big nest made of sticks and that was what I was trying to reach. A bright light came from it, yellow and red like firelight. It looked hot and I thought that I must reach it to get warm, but most of all I wanted to see what was in it. But though I tried and tried I couldn’t reach it. But I was so frightened then because a huge wolverine was there suddenly, and it knew I wanted to see into the nest. But it didn’t want me to and went for me with its teeth. I jumped back but it came after me and I could only get back down slowly with all the rocks in the way. Then I was back in our shelter and everyone was shouting at me. They were all hitting me, did you rescue me?"
"In a way. They all backed off when I arrived and I could see that they had knocked you unconscious. They hadn’t intended that, of course, but some of the men were drunk and got over-excited by the women’s shouting I think. It all got out of hand, they’re sorry now and feeling rather abashed, specially when your brother appeared to see what all the noise was about."
"My parents must be furious with me."
"Oh, it will all blow over in a day or two. In a couple of days you can go and collect your things and bring them here. Your parents will be so curious about what you’ve been doing they will forget to be cross with you."
So it turned out. Only Mother was there when I went in at our door and she came over and hugged me.
"Oh Kizkur, nobody meant you to get hurt. We were just so worried."
I smiled and hugged her back. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
"Come on. Let’s have a hot drink while the kids are being quiet for once."
It would have been easy to slip into the familiar routine. This had been home for so long but now I had to go and live with Ikaseraz.
"Mother I don’t want to leave you." I started crying.
She knew better than to tell me to stop, just stroked my hand and poured out two drinks for us. Then she sat beside me by the fire and put her arm round my shoulders.
"You don’t have to do anything you don’t want."
We sat in silence for a while until it passed.
"But I do want to be an enchanter."
"You’ll be a good one Kizkur. I think it is probably the right thing for you."
"Because I’m no good at anything else?"
"Don’t be silly. You would have become good at many things. Look what a good dyer you are. And you were always so strong, right from being a baby. You never cried, you know, like some do. You just took everything that came along and as soon as you could walk you wanted to run - oh, yes - strength, I want to give you something."
She went over to a pack and unrolled it then took out something small and closed her hand round it. She said
"It was my mother’s. She gave it to me, for strength, when I left home to marry Father."
When she put it in my hand I drew a sharp breath. It was a bear’s tooth with a cord through it, to wear round your neck. Mother gently pulled aside my hair and put it on for me. I was almost afraid, bear’s teeth are known to be very powerful. Though I shivered as it touched me its strength made me feel warm all through. I smiled into Mother’s eyes lost for words of thanks. She understood what it was doing to me, she must have felt the same when she wore it.
"Is Father still angry with me?"
She laughed. "No he’s embarrassed. Do him good."
"Why?"
"He’d drunk more than he should have. He should have stopped them hitting you and he knows it."
"Oh." Father being embarrassed was something else new to get used to.
When my few things were collected up and packed I made to leave. Mother said
"You’re not going far and if you’re unhappy or frightened Father and I are just here to help you."
"Thank you."
"Of course we’ll be expecting something in return. A magic spell to make all the dirty things clean again would do!"
"I’d like that too. The spirits must think cleaning is good for us."
When I got back to my new home it looked stranger than ever by comparison.
The objects of power seemed to be compelling my attention, but I was determined to unpack my things and set up my small area of the shelter. My sleeping-furs took up the bulk of my pack and with those out and my winter boots there was little enough left. I had left my few toys for my brother but Mother had insisted I start with a few ingredients for medicines, paints and dyes. My spare clothes I left in my main pack for storage. Deciding what to put in my waist-pouch was easy, just a small all purpose tool and some willow bark. That done I considered myself ready for my new life, and looked at Ikaseraz’s compelling and powerful things.
The largest I had seen many times before. It was the mask Ikaseraz wore at all the rituals and leant against his power drum with the various pieces of antler and bone that he drummed with. The mask must have been a horse’s skull at one time but was greatly modified. A pair of reindeer antlers had been attached at the top and the lower jaw was missing. The back of the skull had been removed and leather straps attached to the sides. You could see that the eye sockets had been enlarged, he could not have seen through them unaltered. They were surrounded by a beautifully made feather mask. Some of the feathers were easy to identify but others came from birds I had certainly never seen. The whole was incised and painted with patterns and signs which meant nothing to me in my ignorance. Though I wanted to look at everything there was a small black shiny object that kept calling for my attention. I gave in and picked it up. The feeling of its power passed all through me. It was like the feeling I had had from the bear’s tooth but much more intense. I had no word for the feeling at that time, perhaps today I would say it was ecstasy. When I looked closely I could see that it was even more shiny than I had thought, it reflected my face. It was a carving of an animal I had never seen, but from what the older people said I knew it must be a woolly mammoth. The carving was amazingly skilful, but I could not think what it had been carved from, there was nothing shiny and black in my experience. My fingers had made smudge marks and I rubbed them off, I knew it must be perfect.
I was still gazing at it when Ikaseraz came in. Its pull on my mind that first time I saw it was so strong that I barely greeted him. He must have just sat and watched me I think because when I became aware again he was scrutinising me. That is disconcerting from anybody but doubly so from a fierce person like Ikaseraz. To pretend that I could take it calmly I studied him back. He looked old to me, but we all know what a child’s perspective of age is like. He had a nose like a beak, very dark eyes and wrinkly brownish skin. His white beard was partially plaited with brightly coloured cords in it, and his white hair was all plaited and coiled on top of his head in the usual way. What passed between us during that scrutiny I was too young to judge.
"Do you know what drew you to that object?"
"No. It called me, I couldn’t look at any other thing."
"Do you know what it is?"
"A woolly mammoth."
"There have not been any near here for a long time. When I was a child they were common, there were often big herds of them up on the moors. But as it got colder they moved away. Not enough for them to eat I would think."
"But the reindeer feed up there."
"Yes, while the reindeer can survive here so can we."
"We may not survive?"
"We’ll survive, but perhaps not here."
"But our group have always lived near the cave."
"We have, but the future may be nothing like the past."
It was too much change for me.
"Don’t get upset. I only said ’perhaps.’ You have a bear’s tooth for strength."
I put one hand to it and with the mammoth in the other felt better.
"What is this black stuff the mammoth is made of?"
"It’s called obsidian. There’s none near here. Very far to the east are sacred mountains where Earth Mother gives fire from herself and one of her gifts that comes with the fire is obsidian. I don’t know who carved it, when we traded for it in my grandfather’s time the trader did not know either. It was the biggest trade the group had ever made, but we were richer then, and the group was much bigger. Everything the group owns now would not be enough to buy it. Do you understand why it is so sacred an object?"
"Because it is part of Earth Mother’s body."
"That’s part of it. As well as that is the fact that all our prey animals are sent by Sky Father. The prey that is most sacred to Sky Father is the woolly mammoth. This piece of obsidian is Sky Father’s worldly representation made from the body of Earth Mother and in combining the two means the actual source of life. This object means that our group will continue and that the animals and plants we need will continue. Do you understand me?"
"Only partly I think, but I feel it."
"That is even better."
I handed the carved mammoth to him and he murmured over it for a while before placing it back exactly where I had taken it from. He saw me watching and said
"You’re right everything has its own correct place, but that is for another day. Before we sleep I want to go through your visit to spirit-world with you. We will only discuss the basic things at first, you have years of learning ahead of you, but it is best to learn about something you have experienced yourself first."
That the mountain and that wolverine were part of the spirit-world was still frightening me, but I did want to know about them.
"I will tell you what each part of your visit signifies and you must stop me and ask if there is anything which is not clear." I nodded that I would and felt that I must look into his eyes as he spoke.
"The mountain itself means life and your attempt to climb it, with all your difficulties doing that, represent the obstacles we all have to overcome going through life. There is a group further south of here which sees it as a tree because there are more trees down there, but no matter the idea is the same. The glowing nest at the top represents what you will strive for in life and you may not understand that until you are nearing the end of your life. I cannot help you with that, it is personal and only you will see that truly. But I can tell you with certainty what is in the nest, or what kind of thing it is. It is your spirit-guide. Your initiation into the group will be a spirit-quest during which you will find your spirit-guide who will help you for the rest of your life. Only enchanters need a spirit-guide so your initiation will be quite different from that of all others in the group. It will take place in the passageways behind the cave where only enchanters may go."
"But what was the huge wolverine? I don’t want to see that again."
"You may or you may not. That is unknown. It is very important that you grasp this Kizkur. Only you have ever seen the wolverine and I cannot stress enough what this may mean to the group if I have interpreted correctly. I believe that the wolverine is an Ice Giant spirit. The Ice Giants want everywhere to be covered in ice because they thrive in the cold. We desperately need that the ice should go further north, we are dwindling in the cold. We need the warmth to bring back our food plants and prey animals. I believe that you, with the help of your spirit-guide, will find a way to defeat our enemies the Ice Giants and make the land warm again."
"I can’t…you…I don’t know anything."
He smiled. It was the first time I had ever seen that.
"Of course you don’t. But I am going to tell you everything. That is my hope. I hope too that you are a quick learner, Kizkur. You can see that I am old and the spirit-world is beginning to call me."
"I promise to do my best."
"Good. You said that of your own accord so the spirits will hold you to it."
"Yes. I meant it."
"I know you did. But you will have to mean it down many years."
"Yes." I said in my complete inability to imagine the years of struggle, with the mental and physical exhaustion that would follow.
We held each others gaze for a while, and I knew, even then, that the course of my life was decided.
"I may be wrong that you are the one to rescue us from the cold, but there have been several signs and I don’t think I am. Many generations ago, when we first came to this land, we were not the only ones here. The ice giants lived among us then. It would be better to say that we lived among them because they were here first. I have never seen one."
"You mean they are real people, they walk on the earth like us? I thought you meant they lived in the spirit-world."
"No, they are of this world. But different from us. They are bigger, you would guess that from their name."
"What do they call us?"
"I don’t know."
"The sun dwarfs!"
He almost laughed.
"We have always thought that their hunting-magic must be very powerful. It is said that they can bring down adult mammoths. None of our hunters would think of it. Hunting parties that have gone a long way north have returned with stories of shelters made entirely of bones of the mammoth. They must have been built by the ice giants. Can you imagine killing so many mammoths that they had enough bones to build their shelters from them? I don’t want to discourage you at the start but their spirit-wolverine must be really potent and there are probably other spirits helping them. The bear would be no help, it loves only plants, but imagine if they had a lion-spirit helping them."
"Why are there none of them here now?"
"They seem to shun warmth altogether, they have gone up north with the ice."
"So they look like us only bigger?"
"Not really. They say that their faces are ugly, with big, wide noses and prominent brows so they appear to be frowning. But as I said I have never seen one myself. It seems that they are not so much taller than we are but much more massive, more robust. Perhaps if one found their bones…no, no that could only spread unco."
"Spread what?"
"Unknown diseases, prey animals that refuse to die, blizzards at mid-summer."
"From their bones?"
"Yes, but you will never find out all there is to know about bones. No more this evening, there are practical things to sort out. Can you cook?"
I said "Yes" which was strictly true, my results were not often good, but they were cooked.
"Sew?"
"Untidily."
"What medicines can you make?"
I recited my simple remedies.
"That will be fine. We will get by for now. We will share the work as it comes up. I would tell you to do it to save my time for our work, but your learning is our priority now. But be warned, if I live I shall certainly get feeble with age and the work will fall on you."
To hear that he thought my learning was our important work made me feel so proud I wasn’t bothered about having to do the chores. But then he said
"It will always be your job to collect our reindeer droppings and dry them for the fire. They will respect their Enchanter more if they do not see him doing that."
I did not like the implication that nobody respected me anyway so it did not matter, but it was true. To save my face a little I said
"I can make paints and dyes."
"So your mother is forever saying, you’ll be some use then."
Even that soon I think I was beginning to see through his mocking tone.
"To sleep now. I have decided that tomorrow we shall go up and visit Vezeru and we shall start early."
Everyone knew that there was a figure of Vezeru at the source of the river, but I had never been. It was a long way.